DISCLAIMER: The characters in this post may or may not be based on real people, and even if they are, events described herein are probably just approximations of what really happened anyway.
THE POST: Family and friends are great, but they don’t understand author milestones, nor do they understand what it takes to achieve them. And when we fall, they don’t have the first clue about how to help us up. They may start to come around, but it can take years. This is why, authors, we need to stock our author communities. Because when it comes to being an author, family and friends a cheerleading section do not make.
Take for example…
(Let’s call her…) JOSIE: I finished my book!
JOSIE’S DAD: That’s good.
JOSIE: It’s, like, a big deal.
JOSIE’S DAD: Congratulations.
JOSIE: Bigger than that.
(Later, hypothetically of course, Josie tweets the news.)
30-40 RANDOM AUTHORS: That’s so awesome! … Congratulations! … (GIF of two ponies high-fiving)
Example B:
JOSIE: I got a literary agent!
JOSIE’S SISTER: That’s nice.
JOSIE: (smile fading) It’s, like, really hard to do.
(Two days later, Josie runs into author friend Sam at karaoke bar.)
JOSIE: I’m glad I ran into you. I have some news. I got a literary agent!
SAM: (jumps up and down in full range of the microphone) Oh my God! I’m so jealous.
Example C:
(Josie calling her mom)
JOSIE: My (blubber) literary agent (blubber) quit (Kleenex nose honk).
JOSIE’S MOM: Okay, calm down.
(Josie emailing trusted critique partners Nicole and Maria)
JOSIE: So, my agent quit agenting, and I’m really upset. Also, super embarrassed, because it was announced all over social media that I signed with her.
NICOLE: That’s so terrible. We should Skype today. When are you free?
SAM: Not cool. Send me your contract ASAP.
Example D:
(Josie out for coffee with non-author friend Carla)
JOSIE: My book got longlisted for two book awards.
CARLA: What’s (face screwing up) longlisted?
(After five minutes of explaining to Carla how it really is an honor just to be nominated…)
CARLA: Oh, congratulations.
(Josie WhatsApp-ing with critique partner Maria)
MARIA: Congratulations! You can totally add this to your query letters. When can you announce that you made the longlists? When do the shortlists come out?
I wrote this post for the monthly Insecure Writers Support Group blog hop. To continue hopping or to join the hop, click here. (There are more than 200 of us, and it’s fun!)
Where do you seek refuge when you’re on a particularly low rung of your author journey? Chat with me in the comments.
Thank you to Freepik for this image that I used in my post. And thanks for this image too.
This is all about me, isn’t it? hehehe I think you nailed it for every writer on the planet. 😉
Anna from elements of emaginette
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I’ll never tell. 😉
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Yeah, that’s about how those conversations go, isn’t it? Funny but true!
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Funny…five months later. 😉
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This is so true! It is funny…eventually. Well Raimey, we will continue to sing your praises and share in your successes!
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I agree with your post 10000% .. so true!
http://personalgrowthsuccessblog.com/2018/04/03/work-more-on-loving-you
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Thank you for saying that. 🙂
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❤❤❤❤😁😁
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LOL, yeah that is the way it goes huh? Great post.
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Thanks!
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Yes, haven’t had this experience but can relate. Sometimes my mom asks: How many times are you going to revise that manuscript? Thanks for a great post.
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I’ve had that experience too! 🙂
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So true
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Thanks. 🙂
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you are 100% right: we need that supportive, and sometimes mind-blowing, community surrounding us.
Thanks for stopping by my AtoZ blog today. Hope you come back for more
Stu
Tale Spinning
https://stuartnager.wordpress.com/
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Hi Stu! I will definitely stop by again, probably in the next couple of weeks.
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Oh my gosh – all too familiar!
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Maybe I would be like that too, if I wasn’t a writer. It’s hard to say.
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Great piece 🙂
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Thanks for saying that. 🙂
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Ain’t that the truth. And not just about writing, but any passion that aren’t shared.
Thank goodness for the internet if you don’t have any writerly people in your real life world. 🙂
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Preach!
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What a creative post! It’s so true. Thank you Raimey. Our writing friends are sometimes far away, but very close to our hearts 🙂
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Thanks, Erika. 🙂 I don’t know where I’d be without you guys.
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‘May or may not be’ – ‘Probably’ – Love it!
This was great and so true. It took me a while to reach out. Once I joined a writer’s group I realized I wasn’t alone. From there I went on-line and found some amazing people. I have an hour of quiet time every morning. I visit writer’s blogs and form a connection. Just like I’m forming with you. It’s the perfect way to start my day.
We spend so much time alone we have to remind ourselves that it is not a healthy way to live. We need to share our disappointments, our good news or our current work. Whatever it is we need to involve others.
Thank you for this. Well done!!!
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Thanks! I was just saying to someone else in this hop that I don’t reach out enough, and I should really do that more. I mean, I connect with other writers all the time, but when I’m having a bad day, I’m not telling them, and if I did, I’d probably feel a lot better.
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I get it. I do the same. We should reach out more. There’s so much support out there. So many great places where people meet to let off steam. Sometimes I need a giant push.
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ChemistKen: Okay, I’m almost finished with my story. I’m working on the last chapter. (Holds arms up in victory stance)
Daughter: (Laughs) Dad, you’ve been working on that story since I was in middle school.
ChemistKen: Well, okay. But now I’m almost done.
Daughter: You said that last year too. (Leaves room)
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YES! That’s exactly what I’m talking about. Thanks for co-hosting this month!
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“What have you go to show for yourself, sitting in bed every night writing God knows what on that iPad?”
“I have four almost in the can. One is a victim of perfection disorder, one is a three way collab with a missing in action author, one is waiting on me to figure out the multi-faceted double triple quadruple cross and one needs a big shootout/relationship blowup/closure on part one and a set up for the next part…”
“Maybe you finish something. Like fixing the pavestones. What is this charge for Grammarly? I thought you said it didn’t work in whatever that software is you use.”
It doesn’t, but I paste it into Word for line by line –”
“Then let Word argue with you about things you won’t fix anyway.”
And then there’s the “editor” discussions. In the music biz someone once said looking for managers was like looking for snakes. Amen. And managers only want points, not $2k+ up front to run their formula on your work or ask you, like a new age therapist “Well, how do feeeeeeel about these two people? Who are they to you, reeeeeeeally and where is their motivation to BE these people? Should they say that to each other? Are they gay or simply empathetic? There’s no sex in this. Where’s the sex? The heat? Too much dialogue makes it move too fast…”
Shoot me now.
FYI per our discussion on my blog you owe us a scene stealing shapter turned short story.
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Chapter, that is.
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This all sounds familiar too, lol. The expenses I have to justify to myself, never mind others. 🙂 I may do fiction on my blog at some point, but not quite yet……….
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Ha! I have these conversations all too often with my non-writer friends. They’re happy for me, just–not happy enough! 😀
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Preach. 🙂
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So, so true! And always the brilliant query no writer utters to another, “so when will your book be finished?”
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Or, where can I read your stuff?
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That was so true it wasn’t even funny. Spot on, Raimey!
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I know. Maybe it will be funny someday. 🙂
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Thanks so much for stopping by my blog.
What a great and entertaining post (mostly because it’s so true). Thanks for that as well.
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Thanks, Toi. 🙂 It means a lot. 🙂
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Along with all the other writer’s today, I’m sending you virtual hugs. Oh we’ve all been there! I had a book signing last year for an anthology and half of my extended family didn’t comment at all. The other half asked, “How was the book thing? Oh that’s nice.” I was upset at first but now I find it funny. It’s also much more obvious how much people don’t get it/care when you write horror. I think some of my family pretend I’m not speaking when I mention that I write :D.
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I’m sending big hugs back. I bet they wouldn’t scoff if Stephen King invited them to read an anthology. 🙂
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LOL. My husband and family are supportive but none of them really understand. You nailed it with your little scenarios.
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Thanks. 🙂
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Yes, this! Even though our husbands are supportive, we do need our own tribe who understands.
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Absolutely!
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hehe such a brilliant post!! I’d like to show this to my family, but I figure they’d not really get it 😉
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Haha. 😉
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I agree with everyone here, Raimey. Very well said. Thanks for reminding us of the importance of IWSG and community. As a writer, I am so very needy. Enjoy your week!
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Thank you, Victoria Marie. 🙂
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I agree completely. Only other authors really understand. I love the IWSG community. Big fan! 🙂
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Thanks!
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Yeah! This! I agree completely. Only other authors and writers understand!
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Thanks goodness we have each other. 🙂
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These were entertaining, but I’m lucky in that my family wants to understand and they ask for details. I’m probably more reluctant to talk about the process than they are to listen.
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My family wants to understand as well, but as evidence from my post, they don’t always, lol. 🙂
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Entertaining post. I don’t know what I would do without the IWSG. Before, i didn’t have anyone I could talk to about writing/publishing or share my struggles with.
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My first year and a half of novel writing, I didn’t know that the online community existed. 🙂
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Very nice article dear. The topic you choose is very unique and also you written it well. BTW thanks for following me 🙂
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My pleasure. I’ll visit you back soon. 🙂
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I’m sorry to be contrary, because I do agree with the basic point of this post, that writers need a support group who understand what they are going through. But it seems to me that she could make more of an effort to meet her friends and family halfway. For example, she doesn’t celebrate birthdays anymore. And then she’s mad at her family and yelling at them because they want to take her out to dinner. This is supposed to be a problem with the family, rather than with her attitude? Really? Birthdays are something that everyone has in common and it wouldn’t hurt her to both celebrate her birthday and talk about the writer stuff at the dinner. Does she take an interest in their passions? That might even give her some good material to write about.
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Actually, I didn’t yell at my family. They knew I was being sarcastic, but I guess that didn’t come across in the post. Thanks for your input though. 🙂
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Sorry, I didn’t know it was you. Families can be tough. My family has historically not been interested in most of the things I’m interested in–not music, not writing. There were hurt feelings on both sides. But when I started trying to meet them halfway, our relationship improved and I’ve come to appreciate their support. A couple of years ago they even gave me a visit to a writing retreat as a gift.
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That’s so amazing about the writing retreat gift. My family tries to be supportive, and they are, but there’s still that je-ne-c’est-quoi that our communications lack, but that I get from my writing community.
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Writers only get how excited and devastating writing events are, but that’s probably true with most careers.
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Great point!
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lol. I loved reading this post Raimey. It’s so true! Non-writer friends and family sometimes just don’t get it!
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Thanks, Mandy!
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Totally get this problem. How did I solve it? I married an author! Seeing her climb each wrung of her writing career is a constant reminder that it can be done.
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That’s a great idea! I accept all setups (jk jk jk) 🙂
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