As in real life, our characters sometimes need to pause and reflect on something before responding. This silent beat is often indicated with an ellipsis or the word finally, as in:
“Will you marry me?” Mindy asked.
Camilla was silent a moment. “No,” she said finally.
Nothing wrong with marking a beat this way, but here are some alternatives you can use to invigorate some of the beats in your dialogue.
1. Show time elapsing via the actions of characters taking part in the dialogue.
“Will you marry me?” Mindy asked.
Camilla took the engagement ring from Mindy and tested the diamond’s strength between her teeth. It crumbled like a piece of rock candy. “Yes,” Camilla said, “I will marry you, because that was delicious.”
2. Show time elapsing via actions of people not involved in the dialogue.
“Will you marry me?” Mindy asked.
Camilla let the mariachi band finish the last notes of their ballad. “I can’t marry you,” she said, lifting a finger to the trumpet player, “because I’m marrying her.”
3. Show time elapsing via actions by non-persons
“Will you marry me?” Mindy asked.
A breeze picked up a feather and twirled it once, twice, three times.
“Sorry,” Camilla said, “but how do we know each other again?”
4. Use an interjection (occasionally)
“Will you marry me?” Mindy asked.
“Um,” Camilla started, “Sure. Why not. I could do worse.”
5. Have character ignore or avoid question
“Will you marry me?” Mindy asked.
Camilla turned and walked away.
“Don’t pretend you didn’t hear me.”
Camilla spun back around. “Not if you were the last woman on earth.”
6. Have character delay response
“Will you marry me?” Mindy asked.
“Sorry? What did you say?”
“I said, Camilla, will you marry me?”
“So let me get this straight. You’re asking me to marry you?”
7. Show time elapsing via internal monologue (emotional beat of POV character)
“Will you marry me?” Mindy asked.
Before responding, I first had to determine if the feeling in my chest was love or angina. “Yes” I said, “I will marry you.”
8. Show time elapsing via internal monologue (emotional beat of non-POV character)
“Will you marry me?” I asked.
Camilla turned to face the coatrack. She stood that way for much longer than it took the average person to hang zero coats.
“No,” she replied, “I won’t.”
Do you prefer some of these methods over others? Have I missed any ways to invigorate silent beats in dialogue? Share with me in the comments!
This post is part of the #AuthorToolboxBlogHop. So many great blogs to keep hopping through. Click here to join the hop and to see what other writing tips you can glean from this month’s edition.
This made me smile, as it reminds me to be much more creative than allowing characters to simply hesitate for a moment before answering
LikeLiked by 2 people
High five, Tony!
LikeLike
Those are great. What an excellent reminder for me.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks! I’m available for all your proposal-writing needs. 😉
LikeLike
These are some good suggestions. I can rarely think of anything else to do other than saying “She paused for a few seconds.” Thanks.
LikeLiked by 1 person
My pleasure! It took me a while to figure out how to do this!
LikeLike
Great tips and examples! Thanks.
LikeLiked by 1 person
My absolute pleasure. Thanks for stopping by again, Bette. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
You gave me some great tips on different ways to pause in dialogue . Thanks so much!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yea! I’m so happy when I have useful days. 🙂
LikeLike
I’m cracking up — I like to say I’m writer, most days, and then we get to grammar and spelling and I’m like “dubba-dubba-dubba-dubba…” — hahahaha! Can I just give a shout out to my editor? Can I get an Amen? Hahaha! This was great. A learning lesson for me and a wonderful reminder! 🙂
LikeLiked by 2 people
That I made you crack up, is all the good vibes I need today. 🙂
LikeLike
Great suggestions! I didn’t realize I was using too many interjections until I listened to my audio book. Yikes! I can only get better from here at least.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Cool that you have an audiobook!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great post. The first draft I ever wrote was full of interjections. I wish I had this post then.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You don’t want to see my first draft of my first book. 😉
LikeLike
Great examples 🙂 I think actions by non-persons is my favourite, I love the feather twirling, although the internal monologues made me chuckle!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Nice. I’m sending the link to a member of our collective, who has trouble with finding ways to do this.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh good! I hope she finds inspiration somewhere in here.
LikeLike
Omg, “Before responding, I first had to determine if the feeling in my chest was love or angina.” This made me actually splutter with laughter. Great post, Raimey! I love the advice. It’s a great reminder to switch things up. As you probably know, my MC has many silent beats. She’s a bit neurotic and is always over-thinking. I tend to fall on #7 a lot. The internal monologues work well for her, but I know I need to add more variety. These are wonderful suggestions and I’m for sure going to use them. *fist bump*
LikeLiked by 1 person
Internal monologue is a great way to indirectly show the passing of time. It also makes pace musical.
LikeLike
I really love the examples. Writing is hard at times, but this advice will make it easier.
Thank you Raimey!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m so happy you enjoyed this post, Darnell. I dedicate it to you. 🙂
LikeLike
These are great, plus your examples are hilarious!
I’ll be using some of these in my next works.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh, thanks! I like to think I’m funny, but I sometimes doubt myself, lol. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Love these. Depending on the way it’s written serves a lot toward the overall mood of the scene.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Absolutely. Obviously I was going for funny/sarcastic with all of these, but you’re so right that tinkering with these or other examples can totally affect mood.
LikeLike
Great post. Something to think about. Bookmarked.
LikeLiked by 1 person
This is Juneta if you are wonder who Stormdance is lol. Forgot to sign out of that account.
LikeLiked by 1 person
*waves* Hi Juneta!
LikeLike
Ugh, my heart is being yanked this way and that by Mindy and Camilla. I love the sass. And to the writing advice–great ideas. Thank you for sharing. I think my favorites are the use of some action or description–they can open up chances for symbolism or tone-setting. As ever, thank you for the great ideas!
LikeLiked by 2 people
I hadn’t thought about the symbolism aspect. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
You make so many great points and I love all of your vivid examples 🙂
LikeLiked by 2 people
Why thank you. 🙂 Good to know since I have zero experience with real life marriage proposals. 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
Honestly “Is it Love, or Angina” should be the title of a book. I would read that book. Thank you for these excellent examples!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Right? I would read it, too. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Very clever, Raimey!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Yea! Thanks, Pam. 🙂
LikeLiked by 2 people
This is a great tip and some techniques I don’t think about often. Another one I do… is with memory: “Will you marry me?” Mindy asked.
Camilla held her hand and remembered the first time they touched on the ride home from the party, “Sure. Why not. I could do worse.”
LikeLiked by 2 people
That should totally be number nine on this list: flashbacks. Thanks for thinking of it!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I do love #1 and #7. Thanks for the post. 🙂
Anna from elements of emaginette
LikeLiked by 2 people
Why thank you. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks for the great examples to demonstrate how to use these tips!
JQ Rose
LikeLiked by 2 people
It’s my absolute pleasure. 🙂
LikeLike
Great post, Raimey! As a beginning author this is exactly the type of thing I need.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m so happy you found it useful. 🙂
LikeLike
I’ll have to use some of these! Dialog doesn’t come easy to me, so I like seeing posts that lay it all out like this.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You probably write great dialogue but don’t realize it!
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re too sweet!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Some great (and hilarious) examples. Thank you, Raimey.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Drew! I think I saw that you have a new post up, so I’ll be over to visit soon. Not sure if that’ll be before or after sleep, but it’s happening! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I loved these examples! My favorite was, “Sure. Why not. I could do worse.” LOL
LikeLiked by 1 person
I hope I can be this funny again. Hopefully it wasn’t a fluke! 🙂
LikeLike
Thank you for this concise explanation on silent methods to enhance a dialogue exchange. Truly interesting. Thanks for all you do with our Toolbox gatherings.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for all you do, too. We wouldn’t have a hop without you and everyone else who has been involved for so long. Team effort! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great list with examples, Raimey. All effective pauses and interesting opportunities to show something about the scene as well. Double duty. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Why thank you!
LikeLiked by 1 person
It highlights who the character is. That certain specialty that they bring to the story is brought out in scenes like this.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re absolutely right. Because what a character does during a pause is generally going to be revealing of character, for sure. Thanks for pointing that out!
LikeLike
Perfect! This is something I have always struggled with since I started out with writing scripts and never really got the hang of showing time passing in prose. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s a really interesting point. I have the reverse fear, that if I try to tackle screenwriting, I’ll fail because I want to fill up gaps between prose.
LikeLike
Reblogged this on Campbells World and commented:
Not only are these great tips but some of them are hysterically funny.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s so nice of you to say! *jumps up and down* “I am funny!” *falls over own feet, lands poorly*
LikeLike
great examples of different ways to present timing or beat. Love this post… Will have to try to remember these for some of my songwriting as well as my regular prose. Thanks for sharing. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great idea! Happy writing, both songs and prose. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Raimey… You too! 🙂
LikeLike
Great post! Enjoyed all of them 🙂
Ronel catching up for Oct Author Toolbox day The Pros and Cons of Starting a Company as a Self-Pub Author
LikeLiked by 1 person
Why thank you. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hi Raimey.
Such a great post. Thanks for the reminder that there are so many options available to help create interesting dialogue.
The one that resonates with me is: time elapsing via actions by non-persons; for me, the idea of a feather twirling on the breeze is synonymous with holding one’s breathe and waiting for the response – it has a strong emotional pull.
Love this! 😍
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oooo, you just found a layer I hadn’t even planned. LOVE. IT.
LikeLike
The examples are awesome! I especially loved this one: “Will you marry me?” Mindy asked.
Before responding, I first had to determine if the feeling in my chest was love or angina. “Yes” I said, “I will marry you.”
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’ve never had a real marriage proposal, but I imagine that’s what it would feel like for me. 😉
LikeLike
These are some great examples! I also loved the humor you sprinkled through each one haha. Thank you for this post!
LikeLiked by 1 person
If you enjoyed it, it was worth working extra hard on the humor. Thank you! 🙂
LikeLike
I love your examples! Angina? That’s inspired, as is eating the diamond.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I have a sweet tooth, so it was well in my wheelhouse. 😉 Thanks!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you Ramey for these very helpful tips on dialogue, an area I always need to improve on.
Not experienced enough to join your blog-hop but I have posted the link on my WordPress, hope that’s OK. If not, tell me and I’ll take it down … it’s not like I have hundreds of followers.
Thank you for visiting my blog this past month. Hoping to see you on the WEP Café Terrace. Have an inspiring writing month. Take care.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hi Susan! I love when people reblog me, so thank you! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person